8 Tips on how to move or relocate a loved one, and celebrate the process

By Joe LaGuardia

Here at A Tapestry of Love, we have seen many families who care for a loved one who has to move to a new facility because of declining health or loss of independence.

Yet, the timing of the caregiver and the care receiver may be off–conflict arises when a decision as to when to move has to be made.  Sometimes, a care receiver just doesn’t want to move at all: he or she does not want to leave a home, memories  and neighborhoods behind.

What can help the transition process in a move or relocation?

There is no “right” answer for families going through this type of transition, but here are some things to think about when making any transition:

  • While you are consulting doctors, family, and friends about a possible move for your loved one, don’t forget to blanket everything with prayer.  Prayer fashions us into people who are receptive to God’s will, understanding and compassionate regarding the needs of others (and us included), and builds in us a Spirit-inspired patience that only God can give (a “peace that surpasses all understanding”).
  • Do not transition to a new home or relocate without (mostly) everyone being on board, even if it means compromise: Sometimes the compromise comes in the timing of the move.  One caregiver wants to move Mom now, while the other caregiver doesn’t think Mom is ready.  Make a timetable with which everyone is comfortable.  Seek advice from friends and doctors.  If Mom doesn’t want to move at all, then set up goals to move in that direction as appropriately as possible (do a “pros/cons” list with Mom, etc.).
  • Help the care receiver celebrate the memories or “sacred” spaces in the home by being intentional in the move: Don’t just pack everything and move; instead, go through things category by category (like, books or albums one day; furniture the next, etc.).  With each “category,” celebrate what those items mean to the whole family.  If the circumstances allow it, do not rush the move and let your loved one be a part of the moving process.
  • Share a meal or throw a party for friends and family to gather around the loved one and vocalize memories together.  Share what will be missed, but also provide opportunities for the new “blessings” that might be a part of your family’s new future as a result of the transition.  Cry together if it brings healing and closure.
  • Surround your loved one with a support system who can help you all make the transition.  Don’t try to move Mom or Dad alone, bring friends into the conversation.
  • Help your loved one recognize that although they are grieving having to leave behind all of the “gifts” they have been afforded in their home (like memories, raising children, etc), that this transition means they will now become a gift for others: like spending more time with grandchildren or great-grandchildren, or focusing on the future of the family by passing down memories and stories rather than holding on to the past.
  • Recognize that any transition requires some grief work.  Make room for your loved one to express the range of emotions that accompany grief, such as bargaining, anger, and sadness.  If your loved one continues to express these emotions up to three months after the move, then partner your loved one with a grief counselor or a therapist who can help in the healing process.  You just moved your loved one–budget a little cash on the side to pay for that intervention if necessary!
  • Celebrate the new beginning of making new memories and gaining new friends.  Although change is hard for everyone, there is something to be said about coming into new places.  This can be invigorating and rewarding.  God is with us everywhere, and we should not overlook either the power of sacred space (“home”) in maintaining that relationship, as well as the new adventures to which God calls us–even when unfamiliar.

As you and your family transition your loved one to a new home or setting, keep in mind that prayer should be the basis for everything.  There is no “right” way of doing things, and let us know how you have struggled or helped make for a smooth transition in your care receiver’s life.

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Caregivers: Hopegivers for the Future

helping-handBy Joe LaGuardia

In his address to the U.S. Congress several weeks ago, Pope Francis noted that young people do not have a positive outlook for the future.

“We live in a culture,” he said, “which pressures young people not to start a family, because they lack possibilities for the future.”

Although it sounds like His Holiness is exaggerating, research affirms this observation.  Young people have very little hope for the future: They marry later, bear less children, and feel that they work longer hours for less wages.

For the first time in recent history, adults no longer feel their children will be better off in years to come, according to a Pew Research survey.  That middle class income has remained stagnate or in decline the last three decades has not helped anyone’s outlook.

Movers and shakers in our culture have not provided any solutions to turn the tide, and our faith in politicians in shaping a better future has collapsed in congressional malaise.

Some only offer the common lament, “If only we can do things like we did when I was young…”; while others provide avenues for nostalgia in order to combat our woes.  Just think of how many movies reboot previous films and genres.

Yet, nostalgia and longing for the impossible will not provide hope for the future.  Optimism will continue to allude those who are searching for answers from yesteryear.

The church, the very people of God, walk to the beat of a different drum.  We Christians need not fear the future or face it in despair, for we know the future that stands before us.  Caregivers–especially those who care for both young and old, or the “sandwich” generation as they are called–are particularly poised to provide hope for the future.

God asks that we be a community of hope and boundless aspiration, a people who tell what God’s future entails and embody the values that adhere to a future utterly bound up in God’s plan for all history.

We Christians maintain the belief that we are saved in Christ.  In turn, we are only residing in the waiting room of life, but it is a waiting room that we are to tend and keep beautiful, to make safe and welcoming for others who need hope for the future.  As caregivers, we are also caretakers, and hopegivers, in this waiting room, balancing hospitality with service and self-care.

Caregivers stand in the shadow of a transformative past and a Holy Spirit that empowers us in the present, but our faith always looks ahead to a future in which Christ is pulling all things closer to that day when the Kingdom of God is fully realized.  Ours is a future-looking faith.

Our worldview does not share in the pessimism of others.  We do not fear the future as others do, for we know God is in charge and that the arc of history (as Martin Luther King, Jr. once stated) bends toward justice and grace.

Without fear entangling us, we can turn our attention to a meaningful life that is freed from paranoia and anxiety.  We can focus on justice by paying attention to our care receivers, the poor, caring for our environment, and being agents of reconciliation by combating violence in all its forms.

We also need to affirm that we are people with aspirations for all creation–and we must encourage our young people to aspire just the same.  This means working hard no matter the salary because we work with the joy of the Lord as our strength and the strength of the Lord as our refuge of peace.

Trust, gratitude, and compassion result from a life lived in the anticipation that God will someday make all things right, that our temporary state of dysfunction and brokenness is but a small bump in the road of God’s grand scheme of eternal life.

I think its about time that we Christians boldly step out in front of the rest of the world and declare, “Follow us, we know the way because we follow Jesus into the future; we follow a Savior who is the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6).

A sermon on Psalm 22 and the Geography of the Soul

By Joe LaGuardia

Here at the Tapestry blog and the ministries Daphne and I run, we encourage people to pray the psalms.  In fact, our prayer life follows the rhythm of seasons of life and the journey of a faith lived out in a mix of uncertainty and deep abiding faith often exhibited in the psalms.

Did you know that there is a “geography of the soul,” a pattern of contours that follow our highs and lows, joys and sorrows.  But what does this geography look like?  How do we read the maps and the signs of the Spirit’s presence in our life?

I had the privilege of preaching on the geography of the soul at Trinity Baptist Church last month.  Perhaps you will find encouragement in the words of hope of Psalm 22–an unlikely source for victory and a blueprint for navigating the interior space of our soul.